Even if I wasn’t talking to anyone, just being surrounded by other energies and close proximity brought me both joy and the feeling that I was taking part in the great play of life.
The last few weeks have made me revisit my state of mind during my bone marrow transplant. There was a time after I was told the first transplant had failed, that I knew my chances of dying probably outweighed my chances of living. Once I had processed this, an enormous weight had been lifted off my shoulders. My only responsibility, once I realized this, was to purely exist. It’s hard to actually explain what happened to me, but the world around me wasn’t the same. Things seemed bright, and every person I encountered radiated.
This feeling lasted for at least a week, until I received my second transplant and began to recover. I’m not sure exactly where I’m trying to go with this, but what I think I’m trying to say is that there may come a time when your perspective is forcefully altered. You might find yourself existing in a state of peace, able to notice and appreciate the potential of everyone and everything around you.
If anything positive comes from any of this, I hope it is that by recognizing our complete helplessness towards mortality, we begin to look upon everything that surrounds us as a reflection of our own inner peace. What we see 99.9% of the time is in fact not the true nature of what we are, but a state of conditioning, a state of desensitization to which we have become accustomed. I hope, one-day, that this state of existence returns to me, and I hope that you also get to share in this experience in the best way possible.